Quince just had her 9th birthday. Bill and I scratched our heads about what to get her for weeks. She said she wanted various electronics - an Ipad, a Kindle, Wii games. But I was pretty sure that was because her older brother is an electronics fiend, and that is what he wanted when his birthday rolled around last month. So naturally, being a younger sibling she was powerless against the supernatural influence of an older sibling and she wanted what he wanted. I, being a younger sibling myself, recognized the phenomenon and knew to not take her stated desires at face value. But that still left us scratching our heads.
I have many faults as a parent - just take a look at every other blog. One of the many is that I err on the side of practicality over fun. So, in my mind I am thinking, okay, what is a present that would meet some parenting goal. For example, although Alexander does love electronics, getting him a Kindle for his birthday was as much (or maybe more) about reigniting his love of reading by putting it into an electronic format as it was about getting him a new fun electronic gadget. In fact, initially, he was extremely disappointed with a Kindle as a gift. Achingly disappointed. Perhaps my days are up disguising "good for you" gifts as fun. Though as a post script, the boy can't put the Kindle down now - so I think it was a win-win.
The equivalent at-first-blush-fun-but-on-closer-inspection-good-for-you-gift for Quince was a bike. My girl had just gotten her bike sea legs when we left the states and then since arriving had not had one opportunity to ride, until about 3 months ago when she was invited to a bike riding party. Easy peasy - just like riding a bike. Except that expression is crap. Turns out just after learning to ride a bike is not a good time to go suddenly bike cold turkey. I was dismayed to see she had completely lost her 2 wheel confidence.
In the top ten parenting responsibilities, along with teaching your child to swim and to blow a bubble, is making sure she knows how to ride a bike. No daughter of mine would be one of those adults who sheepishly has to admit she can't go on the fun outing because she doesn't know how to ride a bike. So there I find myself with every harried parent's dream- an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone (how many cliches can I use in one post?) - One, fulfill my sacred parental duty and two, solve the birthday present dilemma at the same time. (and really, it was killing 3 birds (poor birds) because it also would meet additional goal of having another way to keep my very sedentary project girl active.)
Now the thing is we couldn't get a bike without her, so instead of presenting her with the actual thing on her birthday, we just presented her with the idea. At first, because she was trying her 9 year-old best to be grateful, she seemed excited about the prospect. But then, and I'm proud of her for this, she admitted a bike didn't seem like that great of a gift. Which of course it wasn't because it was all about fulfilling my parental duties, not about getting her something she was really jonesing for.
And I'm proud of myself for how I handled it. Which I can say, because I'm rarely proud of my parent self. I said I get it. Why don't you pick out another gift, and we'll go ahead and get you the bike - but not as a birthday gift. Just get it for you because it is important you know how to ride a bike. That worked for her. What did she pick? A fashion drawing book. Not even in the top one hundred parental responsibilities to make sure your child knows how to design clothes. But that's okay because she is actually incredibly good at designing clothes and letting your child find and do what she is good at is at least in the top 3.
Post Script on the bike. She LOVES it!! She has named her Beauty, rides her around the yard - tentatively still, feeds her carrots and covers her with a blanket. When I said, "Quince, the bike actually was a pretty good gift wasn't it," she reminds me, "Mama, it wasn't a gift."
I have many faults as a parent - just take a look at every other blog. One of the many is that I err on the side of practicality over fun. So, in my mind I am thinking, okay, what is a present that would meet some parenting goal. For example, although Alexander does love electronics, getting him a Kindle for his birthday was as much (or maybe more) about reigniting his love of reading by putting it into an electronic format as it was about getting him a new fun electronic gadget. In fact, initially, he was extremely disappointed with a Kindle as a gift. Achingly disappointed. Perhaps my days are up disguising "good for you" gifts as fun. Though as a post script, the boy can't put the Kindle down now - so I think it was a win-win.
The equivalent at-first-blush-fun-but-on-closer-inspection-good-for-you-gift for Quince was a bike. My girl had just gotten her bike sea legs when we left the states and then since arriving had not had one opportunity to ride, until about 3 months ago when she was invited to a bike riding party. Easy peasy - just like riding a bike. Except that expression is crap. Turns out just after learning to ride a bike is not a good time to go suddenly bike cold turkey. I was dismayed to see she had completely lost her 2 wheel confidence.
In the top ten parenting responsibilities, along with teaching your child to swim and to blow a bubble, is making sure she knows how to ride a bike. No daughter of mine would be one of those adults who sheepishly has to admit she can't go on the fun outing because she doesn't know how to ride a bike. So there I find myself with every harried parent's dream- an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone (how many cliches can I use in one post?) - One, fulfill my sacred parental duty and two, solve the birthday present dilemma at the same time. (and really, it was killing 3 birds (poor birds) because it also would meet additional goal of having another way to keep my very sedentary project girl active.)
Now the thing is we couldn't get a bike without her, so instead of presenting her with the actual thing on her birthday, we just presented her with the idea. At first, because she was trying her 9 year-old best to be grateful, she seemed excited about the prospect. But then, and I'm proud of her for this, she admitted a bike didn't seem like that great of a gift. Which of course it wasn't because it was all about fulfilling my parental duties, not about getting her something she was really jonesing for.
And I'm proud of myself for how I handled it. Which I can say, because I'm rarely proud of my parent self. I said I get it. Why don't you pick out another gift, and we'll go ahead and get you the bike - but not as a birthday gift. Just get it for you because it is important you know how to ride a bike. That worked for her. What did she pick? A fashion drawing book. Not even in the top one hundred parental responsibilities to make sure your child knows how to design clothes. But that's okay because she is actually incredibly good at designing clothes and letting your child find and do what she is good at is at least in the top 3.
Post Script on the bike. She LOVES it!! She has named her Beauty, rides her around the yard - tentatively still, feeds her carrots and covers her with a blanket. When I said, "Quince, the bike actually was a pretty good gift wasn't it," she reminds me, "Mama, it wasn't a gift."
 |
| Quince doing her homework next to Beauty to keep her company. |
Love it! All of it: the blog post itself, that she loves the bike (I might have to change my profile picture to MY bike in solidarity with her as a fellow-cyclist!), and the bike itself. It's all about the BLING (okay, and the fun of riding). Hmmm.... Now which of my bikes to I make my profile picture?....The PURPLE road riding one, or the Yellow "Dandelion" Beach Cruiser...Decisions decisions decisions....
ReplyDelete