Water and a Horse Named Hubris

My first day in Jordan I went to the rooftop restaurant at the hotel for lunch.   As per usual in a developed country with good infrastructure, I asked for a glass of water-  specifying tap, as opposed to bottled.  After several attempts to jump the language barrier, I was finally somehow able to make the leap and the light of understanding came into my waiter's eyes.   He came back with a glass of nice cold water.

It was small though, so it wasn't long before I raised my glass in the universal sign for "More please."   Obligingly, he came back with another.   My third time though got me not another glass of water but the maitre d' who told me it was actually against their policy to serve non-bottled water.

What the hell!   I tried to explain, without letting indignation seep into my tone, the environmental crime that bottled water represents - of course there is the fact that these stupid plastic bottles are filling up our landfills, and we are sucking up energy to manufacture and transport them, not to mention that plastic + heat or + sun or + a little damage releases harmful chemicals into the water.

I quickly learned that again language was a jump too far.   He responded to my rant by telling me, with pride, that Jordan now carries a whole range of brands and sizes of bottled waters for me to select from. To show me he leaves and comes back with 3 different types.

I complimented him on the selection, but tried again to explain my objection and why I would prefer water from the cooler.  He tells me that the cooler water is for staff, not customers.  They can't be assured that the cooler water is 100% hygienic.  After my non-success with my environmental rant I didn't touch the injustice of that reasoning.   I decided to keep to the environmental moral high ground and did not have any more water with my meal.

In my room in the evenings I filled my glass with tap water and smugly drank it up, doing my part to save the environment.

THEN - over the next days, I started talking to my Jordanian colleagues. Turns out NO ONE trusts or drinks the tap water, everyone drinks only bottled water!   They get big old 5 gallon water cooler-type bottles for their homes and work.  At workshops, they serve little plastic cups of sealed water.  I immediately started feeling sick, wondering what bacteria I had been ingesting over the past days as I road my moral high horse.

That night at dinner when the maitre d' came to greet me, I meekly dismounted from my horse named Hubris, and ordered their largest bottle of water.

(Now back at home, I decided to do a little research on the safety of Jordanian tap water.  Not surprisingly, it is not straightforward. The Jordanian water authority insists the water is perfectly drinkable and meets all international standards.   80% of the central region's population believes otherwise and will not drink it.

Jordan is the 4th poorest country when it comes to water availability (remind me to never ever decide to live there - being a huge water drinker, the prospect of water scarcity puts a primal fear like no other into me)!    Thus, they have had trouble keeping a constant flow of water which can lead to intermittent contamination from sewer lines.  That combined with pipes in need of repair, and chemical processes which take place between purification and reaching the tap leading to carcinogenic compounds lead me to think that if I ever go back to Jordan, I will be investing in the biggest bottle of water I can find.)
   

When a Gift is Not a Gift

Quince just had her 9th birthday.  Bill and I scratched our heads about what to get her for weeks.   She said she wanted various electronics - an Ipad, a Kindle, Wii games.  But I was  pretty sure that was because her older brother is an electronics fiend, and that is what he wanted when his birthday rolled around last month.  So naturally, being a younger sibling she was powerless against the supernatural influence of an older sibling and she wanted what he wanted.  I, being a younger sibling myself, recognized the phenomenon and knew to not take her stated desires at face value. But that still left us scratching our heads.

I have many faults as a parent - just take a look at every other blog.  One of the many is that I err on the side of practicality over fun.  So, in my mind I am thinking, okay, what is a present that would meet some parenting goal.  For example, although Alexander does love electronics, getting him a Kindle for his birthday was as much (or maybe more) about reigniting his love of reading by putting it into an electronic format as it was about getting him a new fun electronic gadget.  In fact, initially, he was extremely disappointed with a Kindle as a gift.  Achingly disappointed.  Perhaps my days are up disguising "good for you" gifts as fun.   Though as a post script, the boy can't put the Kindle down now - so I think it was a win-win.

The equivalent at-first-blush-fun-but-on-closer-inspection-good-for-you-gift for Quince was a bike.  My girl had just gotten her bike sea legs when we left the states and then since arriving had not had one opportunity to ride, until about 3 months ago when she was invited to a bike riding party.  Easy peasy - just like riding a bike.  Except that expression is crap.  Turns out just after learning to ride a bike is not a good time to go suddenly bike cold turkey.   I was dismayed to see she had completely lost her 2 wheel confidence.

In the top ten parenting responsibilities, along with teaching your child to swim and to blow a bubble, is making sure she knows how to ride a bike.  No daughter of mine would be one of those adults who sheepishly has to admit she can't go on the fun outing because she doesn't know how to ride a bike.  So there I find myself with every harried parent's dream- an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone (how many cliches can I use in one post?) - One, fulfill my sacred parental duty and two, solve the birthday present dilemma at the same time.  (and really, it was killing 3 birds (poor birds) because it also would meet  additional goal of having another way to keep my very sedentary project girl active.)

Now the thing is we couldn't get a bike without her, so instead of presenting her with the actual thing on her birthday, we just presented her with the idea.  At first, because she was trying her 9 year-old best to be grateful, she seemed excited about the prospect.  But then, and I'm proud of her for this, she admitted a bike didn't seem like that great of a gift.    Which of course it wasn't because it was all about fulfilling my parental duties, not about getting her something she was really jonesing for.

And I'm proud of myself for how I handled it.  Which I can say, because I'm rarely proud of my parent self. I said I get it.  Why don't you pick out another gift, and we'll go ahead and get you the bike - but not as a birthday gift.   Just get it for you because it is important you know how to ride a bike.  That worked for her.   What did she pick?  A fashion drawing book.  Not even in the top one hundred parental responsibilities to make sure your child knows how to design clothes. But that's okay because she is actually incredibly good at designing clothes and letting your child find and do what she is good at is at least in the top 3.

Post Script on the bike.  She LOVES it!!   She has named her Beauty, rides her around the yard - tentatively still, feeds her carrots and covers her with a blanket.  When I said, "Quince, the bike actually was a pretty good gift wasn't it," she reminds me, "Mama, it wasn't a gift."

Quince doing her homework next to Beauty to keep her company.  

Another on Parenting

I've been reflecting quite a bit on what I can describe only as the water drip erosion of my original parenting goals and ideals, from proudly peaked mountains down to rounded just barely there hillocks.   

Case in point:  When we first started giving our kids allowance, I jumped in with great ambitions of using it to teach them about saving and generosity and wise use of their own spending money.  Three sixths – pocket money.   Two sixths– save for college.  One sixth, which we match – give away.   Oh wasn't I the clever, creative and good parent?

For the first couple of years, Alexander choose World Wildlife Fund for his charitable contribution because they sent him a free stuffed animal for a certain minimum donation.    Basically every year he bought himself a $104 stuffed animal.  But okay I rationalized, it was a start on the right path.

It came to light a few weeks ago, as we were discussing the 2011 donation, that no donation had ever been made for 2010 – with the move to South Africa and all.  Putting saving my sanity above teaching good values, I invoked the Statute of Limitations.  It is enough just to figure out how to get the 2011 money out the door and into the right hands – dealing with 2010 now that it is 2012 is just plain overwhelming.  


The whole college savings bit is happening - in that Bill keeps a spreadsheet tracking all their weekly allowance money that is supposed to go into their college fund. The only problem is that the kids never see the money or the spreadsheet and it all remains as abstract and un-lessoney as if Bill and I were just squirreling minute amounts of money away for their college fund every week. Which I guess basically IS what we are doing.


So what does that leave us with?  That's right - with the capitalistic part of the whole enterprise.  Every so often, after they remind us enough times that it has been a while since they got their allowance, we sit down with a calendar, add up what is owed and hand it over.  Into greedy little outstretched paws.  


And there we have it.  What started as an attempt to imbue my darlings with generosity and the good old fashioned habit of saving for the future boils down to "hand over my money, mom."  Why?  Because the day-to-day of keeping my boy off screens, arranging play dates for my friend-starved daughter, reminding both of them to please wash their hands before dinner and then for the 6000th time to please please please use a fork to eat (Quince still!) and to stop putting your face right down in the plate to shovel the food in (Alexander, still!), drips all my energy out of me, one admonishment at a time. Drip, drip, drip each day wearing my idealistic parenting mountain down.  I've got nothing left to sustain those clever value teaching systems I cook up when I get a spurt of inspiration and energy. They get pushed far down on the list, lost, and then guiltily remembered while lying in bed.  


My friends are not like this.  They somehow, miraculously I think, find the energy to teach manners AND instill good values. Through some mysterious parenting process, they are raising kids who volunteer on their own volition, who ask birthday well-wishers to give money to a chosen non-profit instead of buying a birthday gift, who start save-the-environment projects, who protest against social injustice. I'd feel better about it if my friends' kids had the manners of 3 year-olds, but of course they don't. They save the world and eat with forks, and use napkins, and say please and thank you.


I have decided that I am just one of those people who would actually be quite good at parenting if I didn't have kids wearing me down all day.  After all, I have loads of great ideas to raise caring, generous, world-saving people.  I wonder, once my kids are off on their own, no doubt having chosen some ozone-destroying career, if my worn-down little rounded hills can re-grow the peaks of parenting idealism.  Watch out future grandchildren - do I have some ideas for you.   

13 Things to Love, See, and Do In Live-Work-Play Braamfontein

The other weekend I went on a tour of Braamfontein lead by P.A.S.T. Experiences, a local, woman-owned small tour company that specializes in downtown Johannesburg.  


Before getting to the must-love tidbits, a bit of background.  Braamfontein, the home of Witswatersrand University, has been undergoing a major revitalization effort for the past several years led by 3 major players.  Adam Levy, a young lawyer,  turned real estate developer,  kicked off the revitalization when he, inspired by New York's Soho lofts, bought a ten story building converting it into high-end flats, moving into the top floor penthouse himself.   Since then, he has developed art galleries, office space and  renovated historic Alexander Theater.   Another now major player, a couple, got into the game modestly, investing in one student housing property as a way to earn extra income.  And then they jumped in whole hog with the goal of creating a livable, safe neighborhood for students, with outdoor open spaces, cafes and bars - and lots more housing.  You can't walk very far in Braamfontein without seeing one of their Southpoint properties.  And thirdly, the longest time player, Wits, is still at it upgrading and renovating their properties and ensuring art and music and theatre is alive and well in Braamfontein.  So below are just a few, and really this is just a start, of the many things to love about Braamfontein.

Right across from one of the big Southpoint Student residences is this cool little courtyard called The Grove (pic doesn't come close to doing it justice.) Anchored by the colorful orange and yellow Lamunu hotel, it offers an outdoor space for the community to hang out.  Holding the right side is a new minimalist coffee shop, that although doesn't (yet) have the quickest service, makes a pretty spectacular latte.  And the screen below the GROVE sign?  That is a big outdoor TV showing soapies and sports.    

See that red unreadable word in the pic to the right?  That says Branson, as in Richard Branson, founder of Virgin.  The Branson Centre of Entrepreneurship, partly funded by Virgin Unite, trains up and coming young stars, who otherwise couldn't afford it, in the art and skills of entrepreneurship.   

Don't know what this building is but loved the orange tiling detail - doesn't take much to add some zip and zing to an otherwise un-noteworthy building.  Love that Braamfontein feel!!

One of my all-time favorite things about Johannesburg is the commitment to public art.  By the year 2040, Jozi has the goal of becoming the largest open air art gallery in the world!!  Already, there are 300 pieces of public art throughout the city with a big emphasis on the CBD (central business district).  1% of the city budget is mandated to go to investment in art. This huge eland plant pot -- you can't see but those are plants growing out of the top (on purpose) --is an example of several large pieces at various entry points around the city.  Large enough so as not to be missed.   

Come March 2012, this is a location you will want to come to! The corner, known as University Corner, or more delightfully, as UniCorn, is home to a Wit's building and former Shell petrol station which are somehow, cleverly, being renovated to house  the up-to-now unhoused Wit's collection of African Art - the largest collection in the world mind you.  As a side note, on top of the building is a now defunct revolving restaurant.    Imagine - a little art gallery browsing followed by a drink up high over the city.  Begin the clammer to get it back in operation!

Maybe we could get sightings of crazy Tom Cruise

A mural from internationally known graffiti artist, Rasty.  Interestingly, due to South Africa's isolation during the Apartheid era, SA's graffiti art is lagging about 10 years behind the rest of the world.  

 Here is a shocking fact.  Did you know Wits Choir is one of only 3 fully integrated choirs in the country? From what our guide, and Wit's choir member, told us, most choirs will have white singers on one side with a white conductor and black singers on the other with a black conductor.   Some nonsense about white people not being able to sing "black people's music" and vice versa.  In any case, the Wit's choir is supposed to be fantastic and it is now high on my list of must-do-soon things.  




Would you look at this building!  So utterly nondescript and not worth a second look.  Except that the top two glass enclosed floors are a very exclusive event space which allow a 360 degree view of the city redefining what we think of when we think of the Joburg skyline.  I am now hard at work increasing my social circles so I can get invited to some fancy party up there.  

The sheer genuis!  Three things off your to-do list in one stop.  Throw your laundry in, get your hair done, answer your emails.  

 The Braamfontein trees.  30 of these fun, whimsical sculptures line Juta Street.  Please note that in case you thought these were another of those hands-off art pieces, you are welcome and encouraged to add to the spirit of Braamfontein by spinning the trees' inner cut-outs.   

How can you not love a building painted like this?  Not to mention Lomography is a very hip shop specializing in avant garde and retro camera equipment the uses of which I can't even begin to grasp. 

Kitcheners Carvery Bar -- 100 years old but don't let its venerable-ness fool you.   It is now a venue for a range of eclectic live music ranging from funk, soul and old school to house, hip hop and techno.

Amaze Your Friends -- Dung Beetle Facts

If by any chance you read the earlier blog, "Revised, My Favorites in this Order," you'll know that dung beetles are among my favorite living creatures.  Imagine my delight when I discovered right there on my desktop a document called Dung Beetle Facts - a forgotten remnant left over from a school report that Quince had to do months ago, long before I decided that these little unassuming creatures ranked in my top 5.  Personally, I think you would be well advised to stash a few of these little facts in your pocket, because at the right moment you'll get to pull one of these little gem pebbles out, drop it in a conversation and watch the ripples. . .   


PS.  If you read all the way to the bottom, there is a special little surprise.

Facts about Dung Beetles

These are the fact you relate if you want to sound smart and sciencey and like an entomologist.  Skip this first set if you are actually in need of something that will hold the crowd.

• There are thousands of species, or kinds, of dung beetles. Wherever there is dung, there are most likely dung beetles. Dung beetles are found worldwide, on every continent except Antarctica. They live in habitats that range from desert to forest.
• Dung beetles range from a length of 0.04 inches (1 millimeter) to 2.4 inches (6 centimeters).
• A dung beetle can live up to three years.
• Most dung beetles are dark colored. Some are shiny metallic colors. Others have bright patterns.
• Dung beetles have wings and can fly. Their six legs are made for rolling dung and digging holes.

Cocktail party facts:

• When an animal such as an elephant chews, swallows, and digests, there are always parts of its meal that pass through undigested. Those undigested bits pass out of the animal in its dung—and that is what provides food for dung beetles
• Some species of dung beetle use their sense of smell to find animal droppings. Other species hitch a ride on their animal of choice. They wait until the creature poops then the beetles hop off, and dinner is served!
• On a busy night, one dung beetle can bury 250 times its own weight in dung.
• A scarab that was worshipped in ancient Egypt is actually a type of dung beetle.
• In parts of Texas, dung beetles bury about 80 percent of cattle dung.
• As a dung beetle rolls its ball of dung, other dung beetles will often try to steal it.

Facts to impress the 10 and under set.

• Dung beetles belong to three basic groups: rollers, tunnelers, and dwellers. Those words describe how these beetles use the dung they find.
• Rollers  shape pieces of dung into balls and roll them away from the pile. They bury their ball to either munch on later or to use as a place to lay their eggs.

Tunnelers bury their dung treasure by tunneling underneath the pile.

And dwellers actually live inside dung piles. (charming)

• Dung beetle larvae, or young, eat the solid dung while adult dung beetles stick to liquids. There is a good bit of nutritious moisture in dung, and adult beetles suck up that juice.

Why I Must Drink More Red Wine

Today I learned that my cholesterol levels are elevated which came as a complete shock because I have always been convinced, with no scientific evidence whatsoever, that I had my father's genes, who had the great good fortune to eat whatever he wanted - and he was the biggest ice cream-asauaus I've ever known - and maintain year-in year-out perfectly normal cholesterol levels.

 I am very resentful of this news, as I am a VERY healthy eater.  And I'm VERY resentful that my doctor, whom I otherwise quite like, suggested I pop by her office to pick up a pamphlet on cholesterol and healthy eating.  Okay, so I, like my father, like ice cream, but I don't eat it every night like he did, only on the weekends.  And it is true that I only like South African ice cream with my hot fudge on it, which now that I think of it is made with real butter and cream.  And yes, I have done  as the Romans do, so my red meat consumption has gone up since moving to South Africa.  Alright, and I know I should eat white meat chicken, but I only like the dark meat.  And well there is that occasional delve into the frozen homemade chocolate chip cookie dough, also made from real butter, habit.   But other than that I really am a healthy eater.  I eat loads of salad, and yogurt, and fruit, and oats, and nuts, and have been known to eat fish.   What more can be asked of me??

I have some recollection of reading studies showing that red wine and dark chocolate can help reduce cholesterol levels.  Okay, if I must, I will up my consumption of red wine and fine chocolate.   After all, sacrifices must be made for one's health.